Not getting married

Everything that doesn't fit anywhere else!

Postby Dukes_mom » March 31st, 2011, 5:53 am

So, for some reason, my family keeps asking my poor mom "When is Rebecca getting married to that boy Travis?" Every time she visits with them they ask her this. I tell her every time to tell them "Well she isn't getting married any time soon" If they asked me, I would simply say "Well with the track record of divorces in the family, I'm not gettin married any time soon." It may sound mean, but 90% of my huge family has been divorced.

I'm only 20, the country doesn't even trust me to drink, why would I get married? Now if I'm still with Travis when I'm 23, I will be happy to talk about marriage with them.

So crazy family, leave my poor mother alone. Go push marriage on my brother and his baby mama :neener:

I just don't know why they wanna push marriage on me. My family isn't religious either, so it's not like they view me as living life as a sinner. What do you all think? Am I being to sensitive?

Also, would it be super mean to call all my family on April fools, say I'm pregnant and getting married? lol I think it would be hilarious. Plus after they found out it was a joke they would all say "Well that's good, she was to young any ways" :rolleyes2:
~*~Rebecca~*~
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Postby iluvk9 » March 31st, 2011, 5:56 am

Dukes_mom wrote:Also, would it be super mean to call all my family on April fools, say I'm pregnant and getting married? lol I think it would be hilarious. Plus after they found out it was a joke they would all say "Well that's good, she was to young any ways" :rolleyes2:


Only do that if you don't want a share of the inheritance. 8)
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Postby Dukes_mom » March 31st, 2011, 5:58 am

iluvk9 wrote:
Dukes_mom wrote:Also, would it be super mean to call all my family on April fools, say I'm pregnant and getting married? lol I think it would be hilarious. Plus after they found out it was a joke they would all say "Well that's good, she was to young any ways" :rolleyes2:


Only do that if you don't want a share of the inheritance. 8)


Well lucky me, there is no huge money inheritance :D :dance:
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Postby pitbullmamaliz » March 31st, 2011, 7:14 am

Tell 'em to shove off. I firmly believe people shouldn't get married before they're AT LEAST 25. I got married a month before my 25th birthday but I still changed so much over the next couple years that we ended up getting divorced.
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Postby mnp13 » March 31st, 2011, 11:23 am

If you're not ready, don't do it, and it would seem that you're not. Personally, I would have liked to be married right after college, but I was ready for it at that time. If you're not sure, then you're not ready. :)

And they should leave your mom alone!!

We waited over 9 years, it's time when it's time. That's all.
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Postby Malli » March 31st, 2011, 5:22 pm

Wes and I had our 11 year anniversary in November, we own our home, and I see myself with him forever; we also do not plan on getting married.

I'm not religious (and the concept of marriage is largely linked to religion, IMO), and to get married the way we'd want to, it would be a lot of money for a big party that lasts one day.
Personally, I would rather spend my money on many other things in my life.

I think we are going to get rings, but thats all I need :| I know what I mean to him.

Then again, its all personal choice, and a lot of people really want it, and there isn't anything wrong with that, either.
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Postby BullyLady » March 31st, 2011, 5:30 pm

pitbullmamaliz wrote:Tell 'em to shove off. I firmly believe people shouldn't get married before they're AT LEAST 25. I got married a month before my 25th birthday but I still changed so much over the next couple years that we ended up getting divorced.


Blanket rules like that just don't work.

I got married three weeks after my 21st birthday, but we'd already been together for 7 years and have now been happily married for 6. When you know, you know. :| If you aren't at a place where it seems like the natural next step, then don't do it!
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Postby TheRedQueen » March 31st, 2011, 5:35 pm

Tell 'em that you know what you're doing...it's your life. ;)

I was married at 23...knew him for 7 years before that. Married for almost 10 years, and had a nasty divorce...you never know. :|
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Postby ParisStreetPitCrew » March 31st, 2011, 6:53 pm

Phil and I have been together for 12 years, living together for 8.5 years and we're happy.
No plans to get married anytime in the near future, and that's our choice. Just not a priority to us.

For some people it is a priority, and I am happy for those folks too.

Thankfully, for the most part, we don't get pressured. When people ask, I just tell them I'm happy with things the way they are and am not planning to make any changes
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Postby mnp13 » March 31st, 2011, 7:52 pm

My parents were married straight out of high school (my sister was a magic baby ;) ) and have been together 40 years.
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Postby SLS61185 » April 1st, 2011, 11:06 am

I'll be 26 in June and have been married for a lil' over a year now. We've been together for a lil' over four years. You'll know when you want to do it. Everyone kept pushing for us to get married - especially his family, as they are religious... BIG time.... So us living together and not being married was WRONG to them. I'm not religious at all. For the longest time I never wanted to get married, then one day I woke up and decided I wanted to get married. I had a ring several months later. Before this, he and I had talked about it and I told him I didn't want him to do it because he thought it was what *I* wanted or because his family wanted it.

My parents were married for 13 and together for 15 or something like that. They got divorced when I was 13. My mom has been with the same guy for 10 year and my dad is now on his third marriage.
My inlaws have been married for 55 years - they got together in college... Mike's oldest sister is 54, I think.
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Postby amalie79 » April 1st, 2011, 11:29 am

Whew! I think it's time to 'fess up here.

I say do whatever makes YOU guys happy. I refer to Adam as my husband, but he's not. We've lived together about 8 years, he has a 13 year old daughter who lives with us part time. We have a house, a business, pets. As far as I'm concerned, we might as well be married...which is, oddly enough, one of the reasons we're not. The older I get, the more I feel like, if it's the same without it, why spend the money. And watching some of my friends stress about their weddings made me never want to do it. But I was never one of those little girls who dreamed about her wedding. :| At the same time, calling him my "boyfriend" seems insufficient.

Our families aren't religious, either, and one of Adam's sisters has a domestic partnership-- with a man, they just didn't want to do the marriage things, per se, so his folks already have some experience with non-traditional relationships. My parents were all out anti-religion. Just not part of the equation for us.

We got in the habit of saying we were married when we bought a house-- we live in the buckle of the bible belt, and it was easier for Adam to tell the few contractors we dealt with that he'd have to talk to his wife about things before making a decision than to say, "Holy crap! We are NOT going to pay you $14,000 to rewire our house!!" Forgive us, we played on the hen-pecked husband stereotype. And it was easier than having to hear people tsk or ask us why we're not married or when we're getting married and deal with their looks and questions when we said we're not. I finally just answered honestly when we met one of our new neighbors-- I figured, no one really cares about this anymore, I'm way too sensitive about it, and, anyway, screw 'em if they can't mind their own business. Of course this is the one stranger who thinks it's ok to start questioning me with this pitying look about "why?"

Do what makes you happy and tell everyone else to eat it.
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Postby TheRedQueen » April 1st, 2011, 3:15 pm

Many of our clients figure that John and I are married...I correct them, but they continue to do it...so I often don't correct people anymore. lol Doesn't really matter to me. It's all cool...
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Postby BigDogBuford » April 1st, 2011, 4:06 pm

Chris and I lived in sin for seven years, then decided to get married because we wanted to buy a house and now we've been married for seven years. No kids and we're not religious but legally it was just easier to be married.
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Postby mnp13 » April 1st, 2011, 11:43 pm

This came to a different matter for us a few years ago when one of Demo's fellow officers was shot in the back of the head. He lived through it, but will never be "the same" again. If you are not married you have very limited rights when push comes to shove. Unless everything is in writing specifying you as primary decision maker, your partner's family can step in and make medical/life/end-of-life decisions that you know your partner wouldn't want. Yes, they can fight you when you are married, but would have a harder time doing it.

Getting married only has to be a big, giant, expensive, stressful thing if you WANT it to be. My friend Carla got married in her back yard, under a tent, and had her neighbor do the ceremony. It was a partially catered, partially pot-luck reception... more like a big picnic that happened to include a 10 minute ceremony. Her dress was a white Donna Karen mini dress that she got at Kaufmann's for 90% off, he wore pants and a Hawaiian shirt.

Our wedding is the polar opposite because that's what I want it to be. Demo wanted more like the above, but gave in because it's something that's important to me.

If you want the "paper", you can get it at any court house. Or have a good friend get certified for $50 online and they can do the ceremony for you. My parent's 85 year old neighbor did exactly that, then performed his granddaughter's wedding ceremony.
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Postby amalie79 » April 1st, 2011, 11:47 pm

mnp13 wrote:This came to a different matter for us a few years ago when one of Demo's fellow officers was shot in the back of the head. He lived through it, but will never be "the same" again. If you are not married you have very limited rights when push comes to shove. Unless everything is in writing specifying you as primary decision maker, your partner's family can step in and make medical/life/end-of-life decisions that you know your partner wouldn't want. Yes, they can fight you when you are married, but would have a harder time doing it.

And THAT is what scares the crap out of me. I definitely don't want my mother making life and death decisions for me. I love the woman, but she's not very good under duress.
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Postby Dukes_mom » April 2nd, 2011, 12:29 pm

Weddings freak me out. I get really nervous with knots in my stomach and sweaty hands. Huge weddings are not for me.

I will have a small wedding of 5 friends and my close family (Mom, Dad, my 2 brothers, brothers gf, and my nephew) I want my daddy to give me away :) I'm his only daughter. Then to make my family feel a little more included, I would just have a potluck picnic in a park to celebrate the marriage.

I would love to have a promise ring. Nothing to do with marriage, just something that shows we are more then boyfriend and girlfriend. Plus a ring would keep the jerks away. (by jerks I mean guys that just wanna get laid)

I think they wanna push us about it because we have been together for 2 years (3 in July :dance: ) They can't bully me into marriage. Even if they called me a whore for sleeping out of marriage, I won't do it. (and yes I do have family that will say that. They did to my cousin when she was dateing. Then she got married, and divorced 3 years later :rolleyes2: )

My parents just celebrated their 26th anniversary. They had a small wedding, I would love to get married where they did, it is a beautiful place by the snake river.

I know when ever I do get married, it will be when I'm ready, not when someone else thinks it is time.

Thanks everyone for the input, at least I know I'm not alone on this. Any one have fun snarky come backs I can use to shut them up? :neener:
~*~Rebecca~*~
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Postby mnp13 » April 2nd, 2011, 5:04 pm

"when are you getting married?"

"when are you getting manners?"
"when I get knocked up"
"as soon as you get that thing removed
"when are you planning to lose weight?"
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Postby PetieMarie22 » April 5th, 2011, 2:04 pm

At 33 I know many people who are my age and on their second marriages. My boyfriend of 5 years was married for 10 years already before I was with him. We're not planning on getting married and I'm plenty fine with that. Divorce is expensive!
I agree with Liz, people should wait at least until they are 25. I am a TOTALLY different person that I was 10 years ago.
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Postby BullyLady » April 5th, 2011, 6:31 pm

PetieMarie22 wrote:I agree with Liz, people should wait at least until they are 25. I am a TOTALLY different person that I was 10 years ago.


And you will be a different person at 35, and a different person at 45, and a different person at 55...... Age doesn't matter, what matters is finding someone you can age with.
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