How to put on a sports bra

Keep yourself busy at work!

Postby pitbullmamaliz » January 4th, 2011, 9:50 pm

I'm stealing this from Erin's Facebook page. It made me laugh so hard I was crying!

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/25lefler.html

HOW TO PUT ON
A SPORTS BRA.

BY ANNA LEFLER

- - - -

1. Approach the sports bra with confidence, secure in the belief that you will wear it.

2. Holding the sports bra open by its bottom edge, peer into it and locate the medium-sized opening in the center of the cavity. This is your target.

3. Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:

A. Am I naked from the waist up?
B. Have I removed my glasses?

If the answer to either is "no," make the necessary adjustments and return to Step 1.

4. Snake your right arm through the right armhole as far as it will go. Repeat for left arm and left armhole.

5. Assume power stance: feet shoulder-width apart and knees slightly bent. Hook your thumbs into the sports bra's bottom-edge elastic and pull it out in front of you as far as possible. (Note: do not let go.)

6. In one, deft motion, pull the elastic toward you and over your head. If you have martial arts training, this would be the time to release your battle cry, or kiai.

7. You should now be standing with arms pointing skyward, the sports bra encircling you at chin level, binding your biceps to your ears.

8. Remain calm. Visualize yourself wearing the sports bra while engaged in a pleasant activity, such as not watching Jersey Shore.

9. Cross your arms in front of your face, grasp the bottom of the sports bra and begin tugging it down to your chest. This process should take 2-25 minutes and can be streamlined by the removal of one of your arms (advanced yoga practitioners only).

10. If you have followed steps 1-9 correctly, the sports bra is now strapped across the rise of your bosom, compressing the breasts downward to the point that you can see your pulse in your areolas.

11. Resume power stance (see Step 5). Holding firmly to the bottom edge of the sports bra, pull it away from your body in a downward arc until it grazes your kneecaps. Then, with a scraping motion, drag the sports bra upward along the front of your body, capturing all excess flesh in its path.

12. When the bottom elastic reaches the desired altitude on your rib cage, release it. Then, while holding the top of the sports bra away from your body with one hand, plunge the other hand into the sports bra to distribute and align its contents, which should include both of your breasts.

Note: If you are unable to locate two (2) breasts in the sports bra, do not become alarmed as they are likely nearby. Remove the sports bra (see "How to Take Off a Sports Bra") and return to Step 1 of these instructions.
"Remember - every time your dog gets somewhere on a tight leash *a fairy dies and it's all your fault.* Think of the fairies." http://www.positivepetzine.com"

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Postby Jenn » January 5th, 2011, 5:20 pm

I've never even attempted to wear a sports bra, too much uniboob for me.. lol
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure....
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Postby pitbullmamaliz » January 5th, 2011, 5:30 pm

You've never worn one??? What do you workout in? And if you tell me that you don't workout and you still have that cute little figure of yours I'm gonna reach through this internet and bitch slap you.
"Remember - every time your dog gets somewhere on a tight leash *a fairy dies and it's all your fault.* Think of the fairies." http://www.positivepetzine.com"

http://www.pitbullzen.com
http://inaradog.wordpress.com
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Postby madremissy » January 5th, 2011, 6:16 pm

:lmao: this is sooooo true. I have to wear one under my scrubs for clinicals. It is comfortable ONCE you get it on. :rolleyes2:
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Postby Jenn » January 5th, 2011, 8:47 pm

pitbullmamaliz wrote:You've never worn one??? What do you workout in? And if you tell me that you don't workout and you still have that cute little figure of yours I'm gonna reach through this internet and bitch slap you.

Oh no, I workout more so now than I have in my life to keep the poundage off my ass.. lol No bitch slapping necessary my friend, but thank you though that really means a lot to me.
I have never wore one, no. I just wear regular bras.. :| Other than walking, and riding a bicycle all I do is Zumba... I guess my boobage just isn't big enough??
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure....
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Postby airwalk » January 5th, 2011, 10:32 pm

How so very true! They are enough to make a sane woman scream and they make me feel like murdering the inventor!
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Postby call2arms » January 6th, 2011, 1:14 am

Meh. I wear one over a regular bra for horseback riding. I don't have much to hold on to, but I like it to be still. Defying gravity is my motto.
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Postby BullyLady » January 6th, 2011, 1:51 am

OMG, this is hilarious..... and so true. I used to wear sports bras at work (medical field) but the "one size fits all" ones are a bit too small for my cup size. Fine for working out but wearing it for 12 hours at a time was actually hurting me!! Whoever invented sports bras was an eeeeeeevil genius.
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Postby furever_pit » January 31st, 2011, 4:51 pm

I found a sports bra recently that doesn't do the whole uniboob thing. But it is hands down, the hardest one to get on. I always feel like a dink as I struggle with it.

I definitely prefer regular bras, but sometimes you just needs a sports bra. But I've been wearing them for years and years for sports.
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