I want to thank everyone for the PMs, emails, and facebook messages. Please forgive me if I do not reply to each one individually, it's not that I do not appreciate them, I do. But I am grieving so badly, and I have this overwhelming sadness that I don't know is ever going to go away.
I had Ella sleep in bed with me last night. A treat she enjoys. She also tends to sleep VERY well in our bed.
But, last night was different.
Ella tossed and turned, moaned, and her breathing was more labored.
She had me up on and off all night because she kept repositioning herself to get comfortable.
When I woke up, she was drooling, heavily. A sign of nausea with her.
We gave her a pepcid (as it was not time yet for her cerenia).
I went to take her outside, and I watched her back leg wobble as she squat to pee.
Then, coming back inside the house, she stopped at the few steps that go from our sun room to our kitchen.
And she looked at me.
She didn't want to go up those steps because it hurt her.
And I knew, once she looked at me.
I bawled and begged and pleaded with her to come up those steps. There were only a few steps. She could do it.
And she did.
But she did it for me, not for herself.
And it was at that moment that I knew, I knew that she was not herself. And all the pieces started fitting together, and I knew it was time.
We let Ella go this morning at 10 am.
Our hearts are beyond broken.
But, with as far as the cancer had progressed in her, and the pain it was causing her, that we knew the only way to beat the cancer was to let her go in peace before it took her.
And she did go peacefully, in our arms, with me, my husband, my father-in-law, our vet, and the vet tech ALL rubbing her.