Spackle and Pause

Postby plebayo » September 6th, 2009, 3:47 pm

I would like to write about two cats today.

My friend and coworker Dee recently had to put her cat Spackle to sleep. Spackle was a 4-year-old deaf white cat in chronic kidney failure. She found her when she was about 9mos-1 year of age. She had issues with bladder infection that Dee did not know about it and when they finally found out she had bladder issues she was in Kidney failure. I personally believe Spackle was born with bad Kidneys, she's deaf, she's white, I don't believe chronic bladder issues caused the kidney infection and neither do our vets. In any case the past year Spackle crashed two times but even when her blood cell count was 6% she showed no true signs of feeling sick. He last day she couldn't get comfortable and was really weak so Dee knew it was time. She struggled with euthanasia the times she crashed because she wasn't acting ill. Spackle was a really cool cat and in the last year of her life got to tavel to Canada and go camping and her and Dee's relationship grew.

I would also like to talk about my cat Pause. When I joined I mentioned getting Seth because I lost my cat Pause. It's been nearly 6 months since he passed away and there isn't a day I don't think about him or think about what happened, here is the basic rundown, written in my journal the other day when I was bawling my eyes out thinking about it:
It will be 6 months September 20th since my cat Pause passed away. I'm bawling my eyes out as I type this. I just need some kind of release I am just so frustrated.

March 20th I put my cat under anesthesia to donate blood to a cat dying with leukemia. His red blood cell count was down to 4%. He was unneutered, had an abscess he was recovering from, his owner was from Russia, I guess he was too. He was dying. My boss brought him in, he should have brought one of his own cats in for the blood draw but he didn't. I offered up my cat, we sedated him with valium/ketamine [supposed to be safe, doesn't lower blood pressure too bad] his color wasn't amazing but he was okay. We drew the blood, he was fine. I wanted to take bladder rads because he had had reccurent issues since October of last year. We had intubated him at this point, took the x-rays, I went in to develope them and when I came out a fellow tech was like "I don't think he's breathing!" They rushed him to the treatment table all I could do was freeze and try to hold back my tears - which wasn't happening. My sister had me hold off his leg to place a catheter, and I think to get my mind working and not just freak out. They kept bagging him and giving him epinephrine, they tried to give him back some of his blood. I don't know how long they would have bagged him, I told them to stop, I just wanted to hold him. I just want to hold him now. I have another cat, and I got Seth recently but I took my time with Pause for granted. He was going to be 3 this year.

When people ask me about my pets I always think of him. I will never be able to get another cat, not until Napolean is long gone. Everytime I think of another cat, I think of how much I want my cat back. He's so irreplaceable. I like to think our pets are here for as long as we need them [whether we understand it or not] but I don't feel like there has been a good reason presented to me as to why he had to be taken away. I don't feel that Seth was sent in his place, Seth was my decision. I just don't understand. Maybe I need to talk to that communicator chick again, I just don't know where to turn.

Both Pause and Spackle were taken away far too young. I don't know that Dee and I will ever understand why, but I know Spackle taught Dee a lot, and Pause full filled my life while he was here with me.
Seth, CGC & LiLo
♥♥Sofie - Always in my heart. ♥♥
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Postby iluvk9 » September 6th, 2009, 5:31 pm

My sympathy to your friend on the loss of Spackle. :(

As for Pause, you have me in tears, reading about you being in tears. :sad2: I am sorry for your loss. All I can offer is what I usually say...time heals a little, but the pain never goes away, only lessens. There will be a time when you aren't totally a mess, more like a big tug on your heartstrings.
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Postby plebayo » September 6th, 2009, 10:03 pm

time heals a little, but the pain never goes away, only lessens. There will be a time when you aren't totally a mess, more like a big tug on your heartstrings.

This is so very true. Things definitley aren't as bad as they were. I just wasn't prepared to be this emotional over it again because it's been months since I've actually broken down and bawled about it. I guess I just wish time would move more quickly to make things less sad sooner. I appreciate the reply.
Seth, CGC & LiLo
♥♥Sofie - Always in my heart. ♥♥
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Postby pitbullmamaliz » September 6th, 2009, 11:15 pm

Joyce is right (or so I hope, at least). I had to put my beloved cat down almost 2 years ago and I still have trouble thinking about him without crying.

RIP Spackle and Pause... :(
"Remember - every time your dog gets somewhere on a tight leash *a fairy dies and it's all your fault.* Think of the fairies.""
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Postby cheekymunkee » September 7th, 2009, 2:13 am

Sleep well little kitties :(
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Postby Marinepits » September 7th, 2009, 8:09 am

Never make someone a priority in your life when that someone treats you like an option.
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Postby juniper8204 » September 29th, 2009, 9:06 am

Time does ease the pain...but it's never gone. My cat, Nyes, escaped from my house, and before I could grab him, he jumped down into the neighbor's yard and their 130lb. dog got him. I've never felt pain like that...I crumbled...the whole neighborhood heard me screaming and crying...there was nothing I could do. It's been over two years since that happened, and I'm still not completely over it.

So, plebayo, the sudden crumble after a while is completely normal. It's just part of the grieving and healing process. Every person is takes longer for some, shorter for others.

Your vid and story made me cry BTW. He looked like such a sweet kitty.

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