Thanks, sista. I'll take any help I can get. Of course you may post! Libbie is almost 13 years old. She has had chronic liver disease as well as chronic pain, both of which I have been managing as best as I can. She normally would eat dirt if I let her but she has not wanted to eat much these last 24 hours, turning her nose to most of her favorite foods. Her belly has been enlarged due to her liver but last night she started having a great deal of pain from her abdomen and it looked bigger. Her color is not great, and her heart is pounding. She is reluctant to stand and wasn't able to get comfortable, but today is resting, finally. She is very weak when she stands up and she trips and wobbles when she tries to walk. She seems fairly lucid altho there are times when she looks at me and she looks drunk or high. I wondered if her liver maybe swelled up and a bunch of toxins leaked out, making her toxic and "drunk" and causing pain. I think her stomach is being pushed to the side because she feels very bloated but she is not passing gas from either end and is not vomiting or having diarrhea. She feels hot and usually is and pants normally but isn't doing that, so the AC is blasting as well as two fans on her. The painful belly happened before once or twice but she came out of it within a few hours. Her belly just feels really big and tight and she is weak and apathetic. She is still peeing and normally drinks like a fish but isn't even doing that; I am bringing water and food to her and carrying her outside. I haven't done tests on her in some time because there has been no point; I know what her issues are, so I've been managing them. No number is going to do anything but give me stress because I don't treat numbers, I treat animals, I treat her. I also won't put her thru tests and procedures now to lengthen the life that I know is going to end sooner than later anyway.
Basically, everything that is happening has been going on on and off for some time, but in very small doses. She's been slowing down, needs help getting up and down, and her appetite is not as good as it used to be and her color has been better. The pain in her limbs has been there but not in her belly. She just keeps on keeping on and surprising me, and so I don't want to panic but this time has lasted longer and I just have a bad feeling.
"Wretched" doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. Jon is in NJ and was supposed to leave today but the plane broke down so now he's still in country until Wednesday. Sucks even more knowing that and I can't see him. And I can't explain how I feel about this dog of mine. She is more than my baby; she is like my daughter and I have such a strong and strange bond with her that I can't imagine life without her. I guess she has been a staple in my life for the last almost 13 years that thinking of life without her isn't even registering in my brain. I am 37; all of my adult life, where I actually was responsible and had a goal, she was there. Thru vet school, all my vet jobs, traveled and moved with me everywhere, has slept with me every night for the last 12+ years except for the few days I've traveled, has walked with me thru the ghetto and hiked thru woods and parks and forests with me, every day I walked her somewhere fun until she couldn't do it anymore, she's been there thru relationships and my marriage and deaths and births and my babies (human) and WTF??!!! She in my life is all I know; I really don't know how I can survive without her, Jen. If I didn't have Jon and the rest of my animal family, I just don't know. No matter how much I know that when her time comes, she'll be okay with it, I will not and I will never be. I can't imagine a greater pain. Fudge! The only consolation I guess I have is that I am a vet and I know what's going on, and I know what to expect and also that I can end her suffering if I really had to. I've watched animals take their last breaths, but I can't watch her do that. I can't imagine putting a needle full of poison into my baby either. Again, let me say, FUDGE FUDGE FUDGE FUDGE FUDGE!!!!!!!!!
Thank you in advance for any and all good and healing thoughts for Miss Libbie and Jen.