I don't have anyone or anything for this at the moment, my newsgroup server's are down and have been for weeks. I've been cooped up inside with what I think is the swine flu now for nearly two weeks, plus a whole bunch of stuff with my meds And the nasty side affects that most of you probably don't have a clue what I'm talking about.
So I really sort of need to vent a bit, I hope y'all don't mind but this is the only place that feels safe!
So here it goes......
The last 4 weeks have been a downward spiral of depression, pain and little bits of joy witch is my dog.
6 years ago I fell of my horse while jumping, and fractured my L2 and T3 vertebrae and pinching my sciatic nerve along with others that shoot through my hip and pelvis area like hot sharp knifes.
I was hospitalised for two days pumped full of morphine and benzodiazapines <sp> *muscle relaxants* and given a prescription for allot of morphine which I loved as it helped with the pain never took it away but took the edge off. As I've been a drug abuser in the past I loved them too much I was cut off at a reasonably high dose and put on codeine phosphate *another pain killer* no where near as good for pain and other benzo's as I've had trouble sleeping since I was about 16 due to something that happened to me as a child. Now diagnosed as PSTD *post traumatic stress disorder* but the put me on three different benzo's one for nerve pain one for RLS *restless leg syndrome* and one for sleep.
I'm also diagnosed with Sever depression and bi-polar disorder, manic episodes of wanting to die, and not knowing who I am, where I am or what I'm doing. Never up episodes, like feeling like your on top of the world. Since this diagnoses I've been through 5 psychiatrists many different CBT therapy's and psychologists.
Along with every psych drug, every anti depressant or any thing that some of these so called "doctors"
give me, I of course I do my own research on every medication I'm prescribed but I have to at least try it.
It does work for some people.
But The side effects of some of them, OMG
I got up to 95 kg in less then 6 months from my norm of 65 kg, it just made me eat and eat and never feel like getting up, not even just to go for a walk with cujo or anything.
Some made me pass out in shops, on the main street, others made my mouth feel like cotton or put me into hospital with what they call serotonin storm.
One made me not be able to sleep 2 weeks straight and could not eat at all!
I'm slowly getting back down it's taken me 4 weeks to 70kg and its going lower now I'm on a diet.
I've never had to diet in my life I was a track rider!
Well I have probably said to much already,
plus I'm exhausted just trying to think about it.
Thanks I really needed that!
Time for my first smoke of the morning.