Jackassery Junction -- Joke of the Day!

Everything that doesn't fit anywhere else!

Postby Marinepits » March 8th, 2009, 7:12 pm

:spit:
Never make someone a priority in your life when that someone treats you like an option.
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Postby Pit♥bull » March 11th, 2009, 6:39 pm

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Postby cheekymunkee » March 11th, 2009, 8:09 pm

bwahahahaha!!
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Debby
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Postby Marinepits » March 11th, 2009, 9:08 pm

:giggle:
Never make someone a priority in your life when that someone treats you like an option.
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Postby Pit♥bull » March 16th, 2009, 7:33 am

Americans Following Obama

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Postby pitbullmamaliz » March 16th, 2009, 7:39 am

lol
"Remember - every time your dog gets somewhere on a tight leash *a fairy dies and it's all your fault.* Think of the fairies." http://www.positivepetzine.com"

http://www.pitbullzen.com
http://inaradog.wordpress.com
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Postby Marinepits » March 16th, 2009, 7:49 am

:lol3:
Never make someone a priority in your life when that someone treats you like an option.
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Postby Emi » March 19th, 2009, 8:45 am

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
>
> One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
>
> Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,
>
> ' Yes, Nurse Tracy , ' said Mr. Wallace..
>
> ' My Private Part died today, and I am very sad. '
>
> Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little
> crazy,
> she replied, ' Oh, I ' m so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my
> condolences. '
>
> The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private
> Part
> hanging out of his pajamas.
>
> He met Nurse Tracy. ' Mr. Wallace, ' she said,
> 'You shouldn ' t be walking down the hall like that.
>
> Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas. '
>
> ' But, Nurse Tracy I can ' t, ' replied Mr. Wallace.
> 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.
>
> ' Yes, ' said Nurse Tracy, ' you did tell me that,
> but why is it hanging out of your pajamas? '
>
> (You ' ve gotta love this .)
>
> ' Well, ' he replied, ' Today is the viewing. '
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
- Dave Barry
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Postby pitbullmamaliz » March 19th, 2009, 10:00 am

lmao
"Remember - every time your dog gets somewhere on a tight leash *a fairy dies and it's all your fault.* Think of the fairies." http://www.positivepetzine.com"

http://www.pitbullzen.com
http://inaradog.wordpress.com
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Postby SvcDogSawyer » March 19th, 2009, 2:03 pm

LMAO I am sooo going to do that when I get old.
John & Sawyer

"Damn Walkies"
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Postby airwalk » March 20th, 2009, 9:40 am

A Mother complained to a doctor about her Daughter's eating habits. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?"

"Don't worry", said the doctor....







Eventually she will rise and shine!
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Postby Marinepits » March 20th, 2009, 11:02 am

*groan* That was horrible, D. :lol3:
Never make someone a priority in your life when that someone treats you like an option.
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Postby airwalk » March 20th, 2009, 2:49 pm

Yep, it was in the lame joke of the day section of the paper....but it got a groan didn't it?
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Postby Pit♥bull » March 20th, 2009, 4:48 pm

NOTICE:

Due to recent budget cuts and the cost of electricity, gas, and oil as well as current market conditions plus the continued decline of the U.S. economy,

The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

We apologize for the inconvenience.
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Postby Pit♥bull » March 23rd, 2009, 1:34 pm

Browsing Old Cemeteries

////////////////////////////////////////////////

A truly Happy Person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
And, one who can enjoy browsing old cemeteries...
Some fascinating things on old tombstones!


Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York :
Born 1903--Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the
car was on the way down. It was.
=============================
In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no
place to go.
=============================
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in
East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia :
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only The
Good Die Young.
=============================
In a London , England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid
but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767
=============================
In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread, And
the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace
wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.
===============================
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast... Pardon him
for not rising.
===============================
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
==============================
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
================================
A lawyer's epitaph in England :
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
and that is Strange.
=================================
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,
England , cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.
==================================
In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went
out of tune.
==================================
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls ,
Vermont :
Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
==================================
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket ,
Massachusetts :
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.
==================================
In a cemetery in England :
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent.
Until I know which way you went.
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Postby Pit♥bull » March 25th, 2009, 7:50 pm

Dear President Obama,

Thank you for helping my neighbors with their mortgage payments. You know, the ones who live down the street who in the good times refinanced their house several times and bought SUV's, ATV's, RV's, a pool, three HDTV's, an X-Box, two Wave Runners, new flooring for their home, an enlarged patio, and a Harley. Also, I was wondering, since I am paying my mortgage and theirs, could you arrange for me to borrow the Harley now and then?

Richard Ford, Queen Creek , AZ

P.S. They also need help with their credit cards, when do you want me to start making those payments?

P.P.S. I almost forgot - they didn't file their income tax return this year. Should I go ahead and file for them or will you be appointing them to cabinet posts?
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Postby Marinepits » March 25th, 2009, 7:58 pm

HA!
Never make someone a priority in your life when that someone treats you like an option.
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Postby pitbullmamaliz » March 25th, 2009, 8:15 pm

lmao
"Remember - every time your dog gets somewhere on a tight leash *a fairy dies and it's all your fault.* Think of the fairies." http://www.positivepetzine.com"

http://www.pitbullzen.com
http://inaradog.wordpress.com
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Postby Pit♥bull » March 28th, 2009, 10:07 am

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Postby Marinepits » March 28th, 2009, 10:17 am

Now that's funny! :lol3:
Never make someone a priority in your life when that someone treats you like an option.
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