Toonces

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Postby pitbullmamaliz » October 31st, 2008, 6:32 pm

Today is the one year anniversary of me having to put my little man down. I thought I'd never quit crying every night about him, but I did. Now I only tear up when I talk about him. I had him for 15 years, since I was 13 years old. I grew up with him. He dried my tears with his fluffy coat and was just a rag doll in my arms. He couldn't have cared less if there were anybody else in the world - all he wanted was me. He has spoiled me for all other cats. So I just wanted to post some pics of him...

He had perfected the classic cat-nap...
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He had no qualms about claiming his own space...
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He thought the only thing that books and papers were good for was chewing or sleeping on when Mom was trying to be productive...
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He was playful to the end - maybe only for a minute or two, but he still had it in him...
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This is my nightstand where he now rests...
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And a close-up of his urn...
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This is the face of an angel, MY angel...
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And a quote from I book ("Rescuing Sprite" by Mark Levin) that puts into words the guilt I still feel about euthanizing him:
I was racked with guilt. I felt I had just executed my [cat]. Each step of the procedure only enhanced that feeling. [Toonces] had sought my reassurance, which I used to betray him and trick him into remaining calm before the drugs were administered. Yes, I knew [Toonces] couldn't go on. Yes, I knew his condition would only get worse. Yes, I knew he had to be miserable and I was out of options. But I could not escape the fact that the [cat] we had taken home, who we loved and who loved us, who had been so happy and brought us so much joy was destroyed on my say-so. I had been responsible for deciding the day, time, and place of his death.

Who was I to make these decisions? Who was I to play God?

My guilt would only get worse.


It still doesn't seem real that I have to live the rest of my life w/o smelling his fur, or falling asleep with my arms around him, listening to him purr. I just can't help but wonder why it had to end. Why can't they live forever? I miss him so much... :cry:
"Remember - every time your dog gets somewhere on a tight leash *a fairy dies and it's all your fault.* Think of the fairies." http://www.positivepetzine.com"

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Postby madremissy » October 31st, 2008, 6:35 pm

I am sorry Liz :hug3:
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Postby pitbullmamaliz » October 31st, 2008, 8:55 pm

Thanks, Missy.
"Remember - every time your dog gets somewhere on a tight leash *a fairy dies and it's all your fault.* Think of the fairies." http://www.positivepetzine.com"

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Postby iluvk9 » October 31st, 2008, 10:02 pm

I can't believe it has been a year since he has left you. :( I am sorry for your heartache.

I LOVE that last photo of him.
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Postby Jenn » October 31st, 2008, 10:18 pm

:( Sorry hon :hug3:
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure....
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Postby pitbullmamaliz » November 1st, 2008, 8:40 am

Thanks girls. Last night was a rougher night than I had anticipated. So I broke out a lovely bottle of wine and then went to bed early.
"Remember - every time your dog gets somewhere on a tight leash *a fairy dies and it's all your fault.* Think of the fairies." http://www.positivepetzine.com"

http://www.pitbullzen.com
http://inaradog.wordpress.com
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Postby BullyLady » November 1st, 2008, 1:36 pm

Oh my, Toonces was absolutely beautiful. Sleep sweetly little man, your momma still loves you dearly.
"I'm not all bad but I'm a faithful sinner."
~Dave Matthews
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Postby iluvk9 » November 1st, 2008, 7:12 pm

Liz, the anniversaries are always tough. :( I still lose it on the anniversaries of my dogs passing, and Louie has been gone for 6 years. I hope you feel better today.
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Postby pitbullmamaliz » November 1st, 2008, 9:56 pm

I do, Joyce, thank you.

Thanks everybody for the kind words. :groupHug:
"Remember - every time your dog gets somewhere on a tight leash *a fairy dies and it's all your fault.* Think of the fairies." http://www.positivepetzine.com"

http://www.pitbullzen.com
http://inaradog.wordpress.com
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pitbullmamaliz
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Postby amazincc » November 2nd, 2008, 12:04 am

I was racked with guilt. I felt I had just executed my [cat]. Each step of the procedure only enhanced that feeling. [Toonces] had sought my reassurance, which I used to betray him and trick him into remaining calm before the drugs were administered. Yes, I knew [Toonces] couldn't go on. Yes, I knew his condition would only get worse. Yes, I knew he had to be miserable and I was out of options. But I could not escape the fact that the [cat] we had taken home, who we loved and who loved us, who had been so happy and brought us so much joy was destroyed on my say-so. I had been responsible for deciding the day, time, and place of his death.

Who was I to make these decisions? Who was I to play God?

My guilt would only get worse.


Liz... :( :cry:
Anyone who "knows" you must realize that you did not make this decision lightly. Try to make peace w/yourself. :hug3:
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