I have a BIG SECRET!

Keep yourself busy at work!

Postby luvmypitties » May 17th, 2007, 2:20 pm

Ant I do what to hear it. I see a therapist for it all. He doesnt agree with everything I do but says I am an adult. I want to try to make things work with this guy. It has not always been this bad and we have had some really great times, we used to get along, I used to be his best friend and vice versa. Things have only changed in the past couple months. I want things to go back to how they used to be so bad. that is what I am working for. And then once him and I are on good terms again then I will start weaning my life back into the picture. I do have friends now. Mostly we have phone time but I went out with my one friend yesterday and Josh didnt get mad. things are definetly getting better. If they do persist on being horrible like it has been for a while then I will have to find the strength somewhere and end it all. I am just not that strong right now, not when I have such high hopes for things getting better.

And I really appreciate you all caring so much about me.
Tina
Our thoughts and prayers are with Mick and Christine! We love you both!

RIP my precious Noah! You are greatly missed and still so loved!!! 7-12-06-- 2-21-07
RIP Abby! I always loved you!
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Postby pitbullmamaliz » May 17th, 2007, 2:45 pm

Tina, how old are you? (if you don't mind me asking!)

I'm speaking with all the experience (lol) of an ancient 28 y/o woman in the process of getting a divorce. I was with my husband for 9 years. He was my first boyfriend. From day one, we were together 24/7. Started off all perfect love and fun. I've always been very introverted and shy so I didn't really have a life. I would either sit at home or go out with him and his friends. However, over the past couple of years, I've made some really good friends and really gotten involved with the rescue stuff, so I was spending a lot more time out and about. He didn't like that. He denied it when I confronted him, but there was always a tone in his voice when I said I was out with so and so doing something. Finally we decided to separate, and then divorce. I haven't started dating yet (please see "Dating Help" thread!), but just being single and not having to tell anybody where I am 24/7 is fabulous! I'm really discovering who I am and what I'm capable of.

I guess my point (you knew there had to be one somewhere!!!) is that sometimes being alone is so much more beneficial than staying with somebody because it's familiar or just because "we've been together for so long, we might as well just stay together." Dump this guy - he sounds like bad news and quite frankly, you can deserve so much better!!!
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Postby luvmypitties » May 17th, 2007, 2:50 pm

I just turned 21. I am so much in love with this guy I guess it is ridiculous. We arent back together yet. We havent been for a couple months now. I still wouldnt know where to meet other people. I dont have only but 2 friends here and oneis getting married so they are all happy and plannning now. The other girl isnt allowed to go anywhere bedcause of her mother. So I have no friends to hang out with. I do a lot of work with the dogs, as they are pretty much my life now. I have taken on lots of hours at my work and everything. I still feel so empty not free. I feel like I need him, like really need him. It is a lot easierto tell someone this is what to do and know thats what you need to do than actually do it. Especially when I see him and my heart still sinks and my insides get tight, it feels like it will all work out.
Tina
Our thoughts and prayers are with Mick and Christine! We love you both!

RIP my precious Noah! You are greatly missed and still so loved!!! 7-12-06-- 2-21-07
RIP Abby! I always loved you!
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Postby SisMorphine » May 17th, 2007, 2:59 pm

Don't take it wrong (this is coming from experience) it sounds like you have a pretty big self esteem problem. You don't NEED him to be able to feel better (even though you may think you do). You don't NEED anyone except yourself to be able to be happy and have fun (well . . . except for friends ;)).

Join local forums and email lists in your area. There are groups online where people get together for brunch on the weekends or drinks or something. You meet lots of new people and can come away from it with new friends. Join local dog meet-up groups!! Hell, half of my good friends I have met online.

Do something to make yourself feel better! This is what I have been working on now (which includes the weight loss) and I am feeling a million times better (well . . . except for the current "situation" of course).

You deserve better than a man you have to tip toe around and be a skim milk housewife for. Find something that you love about yourself and figure out how to make it come out ALL the time.
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." -Anatole France
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Postby mnp13 » May 17th, 2007, 3:07 pm

On May 17 2007, 14:20, luvmypitties wrote:I see a therapist for it all.


does he? Until he does I can guarentee you things will not get better. By your own words, he is controlling and has anger problems. He needs to fix himself
Michelle

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Postby Vanella » May 17th, 2007, 3:14 pm

Tina, I don't know you personally but I've been reading your posts and I don't know if everyone has been there, but I have.

Really the bottom line is, HE HAS STUFF to work on.....You'll never be skinny enough, rich enough, a good enough cook, mother, housewife, lover or friend IF you think that changing that stuff will make him love you again. The key is to love yourself...I know that sounds cliche and trite. But it's really the truth. Once you are happy with yourself, you'll attract a man that loves YOU for YOU. It takes some of us a long time to get that figured out.

Good luck.
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Postby lellis34 » May 17th, 2007, 3:44 pm

RUN HONEY RUN!! I had a starter marriage at 21 for all the wrong reasons - you don't even wanna go there. This is just one of the down times you'll face in life. Take the time to go through it rather than backing up. Think of it as those tire shredding things at parking garages. Go forward you're fine. Back up you're toast!! Take a doggie obedience class (your dog will be the star!) you'll meet other doggie people and maybe make some friends. If nothing else, it gets you out of the house instead of sitting there pining away over this guy. Ditch work (cough cough) this weekend and come to the pit event - meet some people, get out.

NOW back to the secrets.....I had an unplanned, unapproved (by me) pregnancy in December and the pups were born February 1st. Lots of hard work, but they're all in good homes now with the understanding that if they ever can't keep them for any reason I'll take them back, and the requirement they go to obedience classes. Other secret, my sons pregnant girlfriend and her daughter are living with us and her dog is Kings babies mama. She's a dog lover but not necessarily a good breed rep and it's making me nuts and turning my hair 100% gray from the 50% it was last year. SAVE ME!! :|
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Postby Magnolia618 » May 17th, 2007, 3:54 pm

Unless I was hanging out with people who I was in danger of assault from, there is nothing to base that BS on.


I couldnt agree with that more. My ex got pissed if I talked to any other guy. He got pissed because I became good friends with HIS best friend (or roommate). He thought that there was something going on. He wouldnt let up about it and it made me SO mad. I truly believe if you have to be that smurfing jealous, you have something to hide yourself (which in my case turned out to be true!).

Jason's best friend of 10 years is a girl. He'll call me on his way home from work to tell me that he is meeting her at the bar for some drinks, or going out to dinner with her. That's FINE! They have been best friends for 10 freakin' years. At least he is honest with me about it. Alyssa has a boyfriend of her own, and I know that I have nothing to worry about. SHE actually thought that I wouldn't like that they hang out. I told her the same thing I told him. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't be with him and visa versa.
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Postby Favorite Kitty » May 17th, 2007, 5:27 pm

im the only one?

i have never been able to be "just friends" with a guy and not have feelings of some weirdness. even when i wasnt attracted to them, i still felt it was wrong. i usually have to tell them that we cant hang out anymore. *I* can do it but i dont think guys can. boys are pervs and they always picture "what would it be like to have sex with this girl" in their heads. if you are good friends with them then you obviously have a lot in common and enjoy the same things. why wouldnt you think about taking it to the next level? maybe im not thinking clearly because i havent eaten yet today. maybe :|
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Postby Favorite Kitty » May 17th, 2007, 5:28 pm

wait. if i post in this thread does that mean i have to give up a secret??
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Postby luvmyangels » May 17th, 2007, 5:33 pm

I don't tell any secrets. People talk too much and spill your secrets. Been burnt too many times. :D Just kidding. But people do really stink.
I am "The Rat Queen".

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Postby Big_Ant » May 17th, 2007, 5:33 pm

Put your cuckoo away Kitty!

That's just weird.

I don't see how someone couldn't control themself. I could see being attracted to a person, but not being able to do it even when you aren't attracted? That's just weird.

And for the record, NOT ALL MEN THINK LIKE YOU WANT TO BELIEVE!

I have never cheated on my wife and don't run around thinking what it would be like with so and so.

- Anthony
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Postby iluvk9 » May 17th, 2007, 5:34 pm

I actually have nothing to say, since everyone said it for me. :)

Tina, please note that the answers came from men, women, young, and mature in age (YES! I MEAN OLD LIKE ME!)

NOW RE-READ WHAT THEY ALL SAID!!
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Postby cheekymunkee » May 17th, 2007, 5:34 pm

On May 17 2007, 3:28 PM, Favorite Kitty wrote:wait. if i post in this thread does that mean i have to give up a secret??


Yes
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Postby cheekymunkee » May 17th, 2007, 5:37 pm

On May 17 2007, 3:33 PM, Big_Ant wrote:Put your cuckoo away Kitty!

That's just weird.

I don't see how someone couldn't control themself. I could see being attracted to a person, but not being able to do it even when you aren't attracted? That's just weird.

And for the record, NOT ALL MEN THINK LIKE YOU WANT TO BELIEVE!

I have never cheated on my wife and don't run around thinking what it would be like with so and so.

- Anthony


I agree. I have a LOT of guy friends & I have never felt weird around them. We're friends just as my girl friends and I are. :| Of course most of them ARE gay but still..........not all of them are though.
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Postby Favorite Kitty » May 17th, 2007, 5:43 pm

you took what i said in the completely wrong direction, big. i have been friends with guys and it all too often ended up with a "what if" conversation by them. even though nothing ever happened i still felt uncomfortable at times. that was the point. boys and girls that have lots in common and like hanging out together dont become friends. they marry each other :wink:

and i think more often than not most men think about what its like to be with a friend thats a girl. maybe in CA, where most of the men are gay, dont think about sex all the time but the boys over here DO :P pervs! all of em!
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Postby Big_Ant » May 17th, 2007, 5:46 pm

On 05/17/2007 2:43 PM, Favorite Kitty wrote:and i think more often than not most men think about what its like to be with a friend thats a girl. maybe in CA, where most of the men are gay, dont think about sex all the time but the boys over here DO :P pervs! all of em!


This is the era of the "Good and Professional" Anthony, so I'm just going to step away from this.

But I will say that for someone who got pissed off at someone posting about feeding chicken you are pretty liberal with making your comments about others.

- Anthony
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Postby mnp13 » May 18th, 2007, 12:00 am

First - Anthony, good post.

and i think more often than not most men think about what its like to be with a friend thats a girl.

I strongly disagree. Sure, some probably do, but not every man thinks with the lower head - I'd prefer to believe that not even half do.

In my personal experience, the people who insist that guys and girls can't be friends are the ones with the hangup... not everyone else.
Michelle

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Postby luvmypitties » May 18th, 2007, 12:10 am

On May 17 2007, 1:59 PM, SisMorphine wrote:Don't take it wrong (this is coming from experience) it sounds like you have a pretty big self esteem problem.


Yes I do... and that is the main reason I see my therapist. I have tried to get him to go and see mine with me as mine does couples as well and he refuses to.

And all this about being happy about yourself and all that. I havent ever been. I dont know how I guess. I have always been one to do things to make people like me. I do things to make people happy. Its just how I have always been. I dont know any different or how to do any different.

And I so wish i could ditch work this weekend. I want to go to the show so bad. And then Sunday my dad is going out on his new boat he bought yesterday!! It sucks!


I have a lot more in common with guys. I never really had many girl friends growing up. I was a major tomboy when I was in middle school. I like to get dirty (like with dirt or grease or whatever...) like to work on cars, hike, kayak and such. Not many girls are like that and everything is a competion with them. I am trying to learn to be more like a girl.
Tina
Our thoughts and prayers are with Mick and Christine! We love you both!

RIP my precious Noah! You are greatly missed and still so loved!!! 7-12-06-- 2-21-07
RIP Abby! I always loved you!
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Postby iluvk9 » May 18th, 2007, 6:36 am

I am trying to learn to be more like a girl.


Maybe that is the problem. Try being yourself for awhile. Instead of trying to change for everyone else, why not find friends and/or men who appreciate you for who you already are?

If I have to, I will drive 10 hours and kidnap you. You may not eat too well at my house, but I think I can get that self-image of yours to improve.

Make a list of all the good things about yourself. Ask your parents for a few ideas. I bet you have a LONG list.

I will start you off:

1. Compassionate about animals.
2. Kind towards people.
3. Sensitive
4. Humorous
5. Athletic (although doesn't know left from right in ski photos)
6. Willing to learn
7. Physically in shape and a beautiful face
8. Willing to listen to Joyce about life strategies
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