I am so sorry that you lost Bengee, and now had to let go of Solar. You made the decision that was right for you, after a horrible accident. No one should have to deal with those two things at the same time. It's too much for one person.
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." -Anatole France