I think I "speak dog".
It's pouring outside, so no yard time for the dogs... naturally, they are bored. Sepp, Faust and I do some wrestling and fetching the ball in the house - and Faust gets the zoomies. And not just the zoomies, but the barrel-into-things-and-knock-things-over-while-head-butting-and-body-slamming-the-rest-of-us zoomies... wth???
After repeated "easy" commands and even yelling, which didn't faze Faust in the slightest - I waited 'til he turned the corner in the kitchen and I barked
at him. OMG... first he came to a dead stop, then he turned around and hauled a$$, and after 10 minutes I went looking for him - he was sitting behind the chair, and peeking out at me very suspiciously. When I called him over he tucked his tail and belly-crawled to me.
I don't know what I said, but I think he might be scarred for life.