Get Mortified

Keep yourself busy at work!

Postby Marinepits » March 1st, 2009, 8:53 pm

Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated for years by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, Esquire, The Onion AV Club, Daily Candy, Entertainment Weekly, and E!, Mortified is a comic excavation of the strange and extraordinary things we created as kids. Witness adults sharing their own adolescent journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more.

After all, where else can you hear grown men and women confront their past with firsthand tales of their... first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom, life at bible camp, worst hand job, best mall job, and reasons they deserved to marry Jon Bon Jovi.

The largest and longest-running project of its kind, Mortified produces comedic content for the stage, the page, and the web. Its latest book, Mortified: Love Is a Battlefield, is in stores everywhere.

The project began in the late 1990s when founder Dave Nadelberg unearthed a notably awkward love letter and began sharing with friends. Formalizing as Mortified in 2002 with co-producer Neil Katcher, the project has since sifted through thousands of volumes of otherwise forgotten notebooks, photos, and envelopes in an effort crack the lid off our cultural shoebox and expose our inner geek. Participants include a wide range of people, from professional performers (comics, celebrities, singers) to total amateurs (architects, ad execs, salesmen) all in the noble pursuit of self-degradation. Personal redemption through public humiliation. There are a million stories buried in the pages of people's lives. Mortified's mission is to simply help people find them.

Share the shame.

Never make someone a priority in your life when that someone treats you like an option.
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Postby Marinepits » March 1st, 2009, 9:06 pm

Backstory: This letter was penned over two years ago when an office obsession, and former friend, decided that our friendship had ended. We had worked together at a call center for about a year, and although I knew he was involved, I still had to be a part of his life ... no matter what it took.

Why is this mortifying? It just shows how desperate I was at the time. It's foolish to think that someone who was USING ME actually liked me as more than a friend. What a fool I was ...

Note: The names have been changed to protect the nincompoops.

Dear **Conceited Freak Boy,**

I can hear you typing in your cubicle. I know you're there but you still won't answer my e-mails.

What is your problem? We're best friends one minute and then you don't even speak to me the next? "You're my sister," you tell me and then you snub me in the break room? You're nuts. You have issues, man. I don't get you at all. Was is something that **jealous girlfriend** said? That's the only thing I can think of as to why you're avoiding me at all costs. I just don't understand why you give a **expletive** what she says NOW. We're just friends; you've made that very clear to me. Was it because I told you how I really felt about you? Apparently that was a mistake.

I'm sorry if this is all my fault. I didn't know I was going to have these feelings, but I do. It hurts me to hear you talking to other people ... everyone except me. I just want to go back to the way things were. I want to go back to **restaurant** and drink. I want to have lunch together. I want us to chat online. I don't get it. Is that why we left **restaurant** without paying? Was it a way for you to say that we can't go there anymore?

You are driving me crazy!!!! I don't even know if you like me anymore. You peed on my car, you called me FAT, you stuck veggie burgers under my tire that could have caused a major accident and I swear you tried to poison me, but I still love you. WHY??? You're insane. Maybe that's why I like you. Apparently I'm insane, too.

I took **jealous girlfriend** grocery shopping and she barely spoke to me, even when we were alone in the aisle getting toilet paper. I figured she was going to say something about our relationship but she just kept quiet. I even helped you buy a dog for her. Remember that??? Oh wait, we're not friends anymore. You're a jerk.

I miss you. I miss the old times. I miss making fun of **fat guy that used to eat and get food all over himself** together. I bought you Christmas gifts, birthday gifts and an Ozzy Osbourne license from my NY trip. You've given me NOTHING!!! I get you coffee in the morning and I even sent you clips of your favorite pornography -- now that's love! What have you given me? A migraine and a hand-written note that said you were sorry for NOT PICKING ME UP WHEN MY CAR WAS IN THE SHOP. Oh, that reminds me, I used almost all my AAA towing miles on YOUR FREAKING **piece of junk car** and I even woke up early on my day off to bring your ass to the garage. What is wrong here? I see friendship, and you seem to be just using me.

How dare you tell me you love me, kiss me, and then pee on my car!!!!!! What is wrong with you? Then you say that I'm "swill?" What does that mean? Why would you say that about me? You're a psycho and maybe it's good that we're not talking anymore. I thought we were going to get matching tattoos but I guess that's out. GOOD. I don't want anything to do with you if you're going to be like this.

If you're not going to respond, then I will not write anymore. I will call you later. You'd better answer.


**a freakishly desperate me**

(Yep, I went from "I love you" to "never call me again" and then back to "I'll be waiting to hear from you" in a split second. What a fool I was. I couldn't see that he was using me until it was too late. I felt like such a fool and was glad that my hated of the job itself caused me to abruptly quit and therefore put him out of my life.)

Never make someone a priority in your life when that someone treats you like an option.
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Postby BullyLady » March 2nd, 2009, 11:20 am

:shock: lol
"I'm not all bad but I'm a faithful sinner."
~Dave Matthews
Shelby - AB Mix 1 yr - CGC
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