Try mouse traps.
Put a ton of them on your couch, set, upside down. When he jumps up he will hit one, which will set off a chain reaction and scare the living hell out of him. They are upside down so he won't get caught in them, but they will fly all over the place. I haven't done it, but a friend of mine found it to be quite effective.
Inside me is a thin woman trying to get out. I usually shut the bitch up with a martini.