Delicate question about dogs ashes

Everything that doesn't fit anywhere else!

Postby iluvk9 » August 30th, 2010, 1:41 pm

If you are still in mourning over the loss of a dog, or anyone, for that matter, please think twice about reading further. I do not want to upset anyone.



I would like some ideas.

Louie, Carlos and Bearman have been cremated. They have been gone for many years now. I have their ashes in beautiful urns that were hand painted for me, as gifts.

Image

I don't know why, but I now keep thinking I need to "let them free". I am not sure if I can, or even really want to. But half of my confusion is that I don't know "where" to let them free. If I had "the perfect place" I may feel more comfortable making a decision.

I doubt I will live in this house forever. I thought of in the yard, where they all played. Under the individual trees they all lounged under. But if I move, I would feel like I am leaving them behind.

I live on Long Island so there are many places to spread their ashes that would hold memories of them: Carlos was first seen wandering the natural preserve next to my house. Louie and I walked many parks.

What do you think?
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Postby hugapitbull » August 30th, 2010, 2:29 pm

I have no answer, just wanted to comment that I understand where you're coming from. We are going to bury Trouble and have already picked the place. I still have that fleeting thought of how will I feel if I have to move one day and she doesn't come with me. The answer I finally was able to accept was that when her spirit is gone, all that is left is the shell. It is the memories I carry in my heart that will be with me for a lifetime. It is no different than burying a loved one and then being transferred to a new city. (The rational me speaking...)
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Postby maberi » August 30th, 2010, 2:40 pm

I think the answer to your question depends on the person Joyce. I still have Yoda's ashes and will be keeping the ashes of all of my dogs throughout my life and want them spread along with my own ashes together when that time comes.

I couldn't agree with this more

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Postby TheRedQueen » August 30th, 2010, 3:04 pm

I'm with Matt...I have told everyone (family, friends) that when the time comes, I want to be cremated, and my ashes spread with all of my dogs' ashes...in the ocean in NC.

I can't imagine leaving anyone behind somewhere...
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Postby pocketpit » August 30th, 2010, 3:12 pm

There are several companies that make jewelry using very small amounts of ashes from cremated loved ones and if I'm ever up in the air about what to do with my dogs, that's what I'll have done. I have several friends that have gone that route.
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Postby madremissy » August 30th, 2010, 3:25 pm

:hug3: :hug3: :hug3: Thought you might need some of these.

I have no answers on this one.

I plan to live in this house until I die so Travis's beloved Precious is buried in a flower garden next to his grill. He sits and talks to her all the time while he is cooking.

I am not sure what will happen with Kinzyl and Sammy. I guess I need to have a plan though. :oops:
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Postby iluvk9 » August 30th, 2010, 3:43 pm

Thank you for your thoughts. I actually never thought of having their ashes in with me, but I like that idea now.

If I had to give a percentage, I would say 75% of me finds the idea of having them in their urns, in my room, comforting. But lately, I have been thinking about life and stuff and 25% of me isn't sure that is where I want them to be forever. I do like the idea of them with me when I pass.

pocketpit wrote:There are several companies that make jewelry using very small amounts of ashes from cremated loved ones...


I actually have a necklace charm I was given, with Louie's ashes locked inside. But the bulk of them are in his urn. I still logically tend to think he is "in" the urn more than my necklace.
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Postby LMM » August 30th, 2010, 4:14 pm

I know it seems totally irrationals because they are gone, these are just ashes but I don't think I could part with them for any reason. I like the idea of having them spread with mine somewhere special.
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Postby PetieMarie22 » August 30th, 2010, 4:21 pm

I have my cat Shadow's ashes in an urn still. I would like to be bured or have his ashes combined with mine when that time comes. But he was always inside, so that's the way I always invision him, inside with me.
I like the idea of cremation, and I think their ashes should go where you will always remember them being the happiest. Maybe inside with you, maybe outside in their favorite place.
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Postby iluvk9 » August 30th, 2010, 5:35 pm

LMM wrote:I know it seems totally irrationals because they are gone, these are just ashes but I don't think I could part with them for any reason.


Thinking this through, this is why I have my animals cremated. I seem to need the "concrete" knowing they are still here and real, for lack of better word, along with the spiritual "knowing they are still with me in my memories and heart".
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Postby ParisStreetPitCrew » August 30th, 2010, 8:55 pm

I'm glad (and sad) to see this thread.
I've only had to deal with the death of one dog. Bump died in a household accident when she was still very young, so it was a huge shock to us. We immediately buried her in our backyard. We didn't have time to think it over and were still in shock. I don't feel bad that she's there, although I don't think we will be in this house forever. I will be sad to leave because she's buried here.

We feel like we need to have a plan in place for Jasmine when it's her time. Phil's gramma would like to have her buried in their yard, as it has been in the family for a century and a half and Jasmine is very special to the whole family. However, I am thinking I'd like to have her cremated-- but haven't put much thought into what to do with her ashes until now. I see now that this is another decision to be made. We have the ashes of a friend at home in our curio cabinet, and may keep Jasmine close with him.
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Postby BullyLady » August 31st, 2010, 2:44 am

You guys..... I am so relieved to know I'm not the only one who thinks about this, this thread has made me feel so much more normal.

Sophie will be gone two years this September and we still have her ashes in a lovely wooden box in the closet. About six months after she was gone we talked about burying her here, but we know we aren't staying in this house forever and Eric didn't want to do that, so they just sit in our closet. Sometimes I think I should feel guilty about them sitting in there, but actually I don't. I occasionally see them when I'm going through the closet for something else and just reach out and touch the box, it's kind of comforting to have it there. I don't think we have a plan, but I think we are okay with them being in the closet. Matt, your idea of having their ashes with you is really lovely.
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Postby Malli » August 31st, 2010, 2:51 am

I'd like to think I'd take the dog's ashes to a place they loved and let them go, but I honestly can't say for sure what I would do.

I know a couple of my friends and my boss (who has a lot of dogs) have kept the ashes in their homes.

I think I may end up with a shrine when the time comes :rolleyes2:
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Postby iluvk9 » August 31st, 2010, 9:07 am

ParisStreetPitCrew wrote: I don't feel bad that she's there, although I don't think we will be in this house forever. I will be sad to leave because she's buried here.


All my childhood dogs, cats, rabbits, hamsters are buried at the house I grew up in. It has been sold a few times and I always wonder if they "disturbed them". It upsets me. :(

BullyLady wrote:You guys..... I am so relieved to know I'm not the only one who thinks about this, this thread has made me feel so much more normal.


Oh, you are normal among all the animal people who have a certain connection to their dogs, cats, etc. like we do. And I am now glad I brought this topic up. Thank you.

Malli wrote:I think I may end up with a shrine when the time comes


Mallika, my sister just lost the cat she loved beyond anyone else. Her way of celebrating Obie's life was to plant a small tree and spread his ashes near it. She lives in OR on 8 acres and will live her life there. It is a different way to have a shrine.


One way of keeping them all "here" along with their ashes... displayed with a beautiful angel/candle Christine/Amazincc sent me.
Image

Bearman has a flip-up photo book in the living room.
Image

Louie has a photo picture frame.
Image

He also has a shadow box I made with an article about him being a favorite therapy dog, his collar, his favorite ball and the bootie he had to wear while he healed from cancer in his paw.
Image

Carlos has a heart shaped wood plaque with photos in montage format.
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Postby Hoyden » August 31st, 2010, 10:02 am

We have Petey's ashes in the hutch in the living room for now. Mark & I have talked about what to do with his ashes, but it's still really hard because we miss him so much.

Originally we had talked about burying him instead of cremating him, but Gremlin was dead set against it. She insisted that his spirit wouldn't be free if we "stuck his body in the ground under a statue", (her exact words) so he was cremated. When we talked about letting all of his ashes go up at the lake in Kent, his favorite place, Gremlin was adamant that his spirit would rather linger with the people he loved rather than in the places he loved because his family was the most important thing to him.

At some point, we will release a little bit of his ashes in the places he loved, but we've come to the conclusion that we will each keep a portion to be mixed in with our ashes when we are cremated.

For now, he is the box the crematory put his ashes in. When I find someone who can do it, I have a piece of an oak tree from a special place that I want made into a round box that I am going to wrap part of his favorite leather collar around. Kinda hard to explain the idea that has been in head.


Since I've been doing a lot of volunteer work with Birdie at the nursing home, I've been privy to what others have done with their pet's cremains. One woman had the ashes of each of her many dogs put into the coffin with her, another had the ashes WITH her at the nursing home until she passed, then each animal's ashes were buried individually in a row on one side with her husband buried on the other.

One family has a tradition that I thought was interesting. Their father was one of my favorite residents to visit with because he loved Birdie and insisted that she come up and sit with him in his bed no matter how sick he was. Each family member has a small amount of the ashes of each animal that passed, as well as small amounts of their mother's ashes and grandparent's ashes. When their father passed, each child received a small amount of his ashes, then the rest were mixed with his wife's, their pets and the ashes of their parents, then buried.
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Postby HappyChick » August 31st, 2010, 10:29 am

I love the idea of having Vinny's ashes spread with mine. I'd never thought of that and I'm so glad I read this thread.

iluvk9 wrote:
All my childhood dogs, cats, rabbits, hamsters are buried at the house I grew up in. It has been sold a few times and I always wonder if they "disturbed them". It upsets me. :(


I wonder the same thing about my Joshy and Tedi who are buried in PA. I hope they aren't disturbed either.

Hoyden wrote:Gremlin was adamant that his spirit would rather linger with the people he loved rather than in the places he loved because his family was the most important thing to him.


I like the way Gremlin thinks.
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Postby pitbullmamaliz » August 31st, 2010, 10:40 am

I have Toonces' ashes in a simple wooden box. Inara will also be cremated, should she ever die (though I've told her that's not an option). They will be mixed with my ashes when I die. My family will think I'm crazy, but I don't care.
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Postby TheRedQueen » August 31st, 2010, 10:45 am

I do have a shelf in the house with the three dogs' ashes...and little mementos. Each box has a picture of them framed, set in front of the box. Also, a special collar or something draped over the box...Elwood's box has his flyball harness, Harding's has her fancy pink collar. John's old SD, Charlie doesn't have a collar...John's daughter has that instead. I also have a little basset angel sitting by Harding's box. Charlie has a plaster mold of his pawprint that the vet techs did for us as a memento.

I do go in and touch the boxes from time to time...just to remember them. Their pictures are up all over the house...for a while I couldn't bring myself to hang their photos...but when we moved to the new house, photos went up. :)
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Postby amalie79 » August 31st, 2010, 10:46 am

I've been thinking about this a little for Simon. We will not stay in our house forever. He's also only lived there for a few years, and they have, in many ways not been his best years. He didn't get to go many places during his life. He wasn't a dog we could take just anywhere, and it's something that I feel terrible about every day-- that I didn't put the work in with him to help him become a dog that could go out in the world more; it's one of my biggest regrets and failures in life to this point. So I'm planning on keeping some of his ashes, along with a sculpture of his bust that I did years ago (he sat for it, he was so good) and spreading the rest of them in the places he could go and in the places he couldn't but that he would have loved. I've also thought about having a small vial so that he can be perpetually on a car ride that DOESN'T go to the vet's office.

But I think I'll always keep some of him with me; I can't imagine letting all of him go. And I really like Matt's idea.
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Postby Natalie » August 31st, 2010, 3:01 pm

I think if you don't exactly know the right thing yet, then you aren't ready. One day an opportunity will present itself, and you'll know when and what is right. Don't push it if you're only 25% there.

My dad and family dog died within a few years of each other. The funeral director was also a pilot and had a teeny tiny little plane. One day about five years after my dad died, maybe two years after Lucky, he called my mom and said, "Hey, it's a nice day for flying, how do you feel about scattering the ashes?" It was perfect. We packed them up, hopped on a little airplane, and they went out the plane window together. We just knew. You'll know too.
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