Don't mess with MOM...

Everything that doesn't fit anywhere else!

Postby Jenn » March 21st, 2006, 4:44 pm

I thought this poem was too funny not to share! ;)

DON'T MESS WITH MOM
My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.

"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'

It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toe.

And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my b! ehind.

Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D."

Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.

Next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store.
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.

I've cancelled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."

I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.

Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."

He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.

I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D..?"
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Postby mnp13 » March 21st, 2006, 4:56 pm

a lesson for the brats of today.

I worked in retail for a while, I'll just say that if I had ever spoken to my mom like some of those kids do my face would have been on the other side of the room.
Michelle

Inside me is a thin woman trying to get out. I usually shut the bitch up with a martini.
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Postby Jesseca » March 21st, 2006, 4:57 pm

Nice!! :D
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Postby cheekymunkee » March 21st, 2006, 4:58 pm

Bwahahahahahaa!!!

My daughter ( when she was very little) would get mad at me & threaten to call CPS on me. I told her "fine, if you can get to the phone", or "you better call an ambulance too because you are gonna need one" or "good, then when they see what a brat you are, they will beat your ass & send you back here". She didn't do it very often. :)
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Postby Asta » March 21st, 2006, 5:52 pm

Thats a good one :)
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Postby BigDogBuford » March 21st, 2006, 6:16 pm

mnp13 wrote:a lesson for the brats of today.

I worked in retail for a while, I'll just say that if I had ever spoken to my mom like some of those kids do my face would have been on the other side of the room.


No kidding! I think my mom would have smacked my lips right off my face if I had spoken to her like that....
~Jeanine

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
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Postby chance's mom » March 21st, 2006, 11:08 pm

this is why i say i dont want a little girl, i couldnt stand another me!!!


good stuff
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Postby NEIAR » March 22nd, 2006, 4:16 am

That is way cute and oh soo true! My kids are still little, the oldest being five, but I know I was a handful as a kid, I'm glad I have all boys..LOL.

I was about 13 and said something not so nice to my mom and she tried to slap me (looking back I deserved it..LOL) and I called the cops, the offier that responded told me I was lucky, had I been his kid, i would have gotten much worse.. I never called the cops ever again..LOL

My SIL is a doctor and buys into the psychobabble about stifling creativity and injuring self esteem etc.. My kids don't visit her often, but when they do they pick up the worst attitudes from their cousins... UGH!
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Postby bullymommy » March 22nd, 2006, 5:13 am

some of the kids i see running around here and in the neighborhood makes me want to scream!!! and the moms just look at me "like what" im all like i tell you what!!!!! i have my issues with spencer but good god not like anything i have seen here!!!!!

that was a good little poem thing!
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Postby Jenn » March 22nd, 2006, 3:18 pm

My little 5 year old tries her best with me as well. I'm determined I'm going to raise a good kid though! ;) One way or the other, lol I will succeed!

My mother was very patient for the most part. Though I remember once when she said "you two better stop, or I'm going to knock your heads together". Here we were walking down the aisle in a clothing store, bickering as siblings do and suddenly POW! :o She'd took both of our heads and just konged us together like two cymbals! I'll never forget that, it's hilarious as hell now, and nowadays you could probably get arrested for it. Though it has always stuck with me, that we damn sure should have shut up that day when we were told, it hurt like hell!
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Postby dogcrazyjen » March 22nd, 2006, 3:21 pm

:o

LOL! That was good!

Yes it hurts, but I bet the next time she said that, you listened, didn't you!

Sorry, but that imagery is good.
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Postby Jenn » March 22nd, 2006, 3:21 pm

Here's another little poem. Disclaimer ~ I don't condone violence, but it's cute! ;)

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do.
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Postby Jenn » March 22nd, 2006, 3:23 pm

dogcrazyjen wrote::o

LOL! That was good!

Yes it hurts, but I bet the next time she said that, you listened, didn't you!

Sorry, but that imagery is good.


YOU can count on it!! LOL! I think I had a ringing in my ear for at least two days. :wink:
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Postby cheekymunkee » March 22nd, 2006, 3:40 pm

JennKBM wrote:My little 5 year old tries her best with me as well. I'm determined I'm going to raise a good kid though! ;) One way or the other, lol I will succeed!

My mother was very patient for the most part. Though I remember once when she said "you two better stop, or I'm going to knock your heads together". Here we were walking down the aisle in a clothing store, bickering as siblings do and suddenly POW! :o She'd took both of our heads and just konged us together like two cymbals! I'll never forget that, it's hilarious as hell now, and nowadays you could probably get arrested for it. Though it has always stuck with me, that we damn sure should have shut up that day when we were told, it hurt like hell!


Your mom sounds like mine. The things she used to do to us would land her in jail now. She hit my brother with a lamp once...............me with a mop.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

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Postby bullymommy » March 22nd, 2006, 4:28 pm

my mom was the same way!!!!! she threatened to smack me so hard that i would fly thru the slidding glass door and into the front yard. me being the smart arse that i am i told her no she wouldnt because there was a chance i would hit her precious flowers. i never saw my mom move so fast in my whole life. she smacked me upside the head before i even knew what happened!
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