Everything that doesn't fit anywhere else!

Postby Romanwild » March 7th, 2006, 10:09 am

A Guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks.

"What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up.

"What are the three tests?"

"Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender. So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.

"OK," the bartender says. Here's what you need to do:

First -
You have to drink that entire fifth of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second -
There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.

Third. -
There's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't
do it! You have to be nuts to drink a fifth of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, Where ez zat tequila?" He grabs the fifth with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and
soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then...............silence. Just when they think the man surely
must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and
large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says. "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

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Postby Maryellen » March 7th, 2006, 10:13 am

:ROFL2: :ROFL2: :ROFL2: :backRoll:
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Postby cheekymunkee » March 7th, 2006, 11:37 am

:hysterical: :hysterical:
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

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Postby GreddyGirl » March 7th, 2006, 1:05 pm

teehee :o
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Postby Miakoda » March 7th, 2006, 5:57 pm


LMAO. I remember when I first heard that joke over a year ago. We were having a late night at work (thanks to an emergency c-section & hbc), but anyways, I decided to tell that joke to everyone to "liven" things up. RULE #1: Do NOT tell that joke to anyone welding a scapel in the middle of surgery (no dog was harmed mind you). But it definitely brought the mood back up
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Postby Jesseca » March 7th, 2006, 6:05 pm

:shock: :ROFL2:
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Postby mnp13 » March 8th, 2006, 1:41 pm

A class of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend?

"I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big people' words!"

She then asked Mitchell what he had done
"I took a ride on a choo-choo."
She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words."

She then asked little Alec what he had done? "I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said.
"What book did you read?"

[I love this]

Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said:

"Winnie the SH!T."

Inside me is a thin woman trying to get out. I usually shut the bitch up with a martini.
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Postby cheekymunkee » March 8th, 2006, 1:48 pm

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

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Postby Jenn » March 8th, 2006, 1:50 pm

:spit: That was too funny!
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