PONDERISMS

Everything that doesn't fit anywhere else!

Postby cheekymunkee » March 2nd, 2006, 10:41 am

PONDERISMS
* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.

* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out
of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy
a replacement.

* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

* Life is sexually transmitted.

* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

* Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but
you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.

* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?

* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

* Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm
gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
him?

* Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

* Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

* If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?

* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?

* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

* Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Debby
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cheekymunkee
I Have Your Grass
 
Posts: 28540
Location: Dallas

Postby Purple » March 2nd, 2006, 8:12 pm

You're making my head hurt!
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Purple
I live here
 
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