Human Child Adoption

Everything that doesn't fit anywhere else!

Postby pitbullmamaliz » January 18th, 2013, 10:39 am

So Russia recently banned Americans from adopting Russian babies. Stupid, I think. But then I think - why are people so hell-bent on adopting babies from other countries when there are probably millions of babies here in the US that need adopted?

Discuss!
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Postby ArtGypsy » January 18th, 2013, 12:08 pm

The idea that there are "Millions"" of babies here to be adopted is a misconception I think.

I know even in the foster care system, the ability to "get a baby' (even a newborn) takes up to 2 years to finalize, IF the mother/father/extended family all agree to it.

Sure, there are tons and tons of kids that need adopted, but seriously------by the time they have gotten to the point of actually being available for adoption, they most usually come with such a myriad of special needs, ranging from serious mental, emotional, (sexual) and physical challenges.

Also, a great deal of babies who are eligible right away are being fostered by foster parents who have had the child in placement for some time. ---------From the Get go, so to speak.

But when I was doing Foster Parent Trainings, one of the first things we did was make sure those new folks who wanted to foster because they wanted to adopt a baby, KNEW UP FRONT that it was very unlikely at best........and almost impossible without at least 2 years of that child being in the system . Federal Guidelines are very specific with legal requirements, both with hearings and 'reasonable efforts' with parents.
In great part, because of the days when the "state' could just come in and whisk away people's children (usually poor people with no resources) without providing parents a chance to get their act together.

Child Specialists (Psychologist, Doctors, Sociologists, etc) realize that even in bad home environments, it is traumatizing to children to be removed from a family.

In many ways I believe the pendulum has swung too far to the extreme---- ---sure. We must provide parents a chance to get their acts together.....and we must provide the child a chance at living within the family structure ((grandparents, aunts/uncles etc.),,,,,but I think we are giving **TOO** much time in many cases,

This is just my viewpoint, and I'm sure there are others who may have an opportunities to see other sides of the issue.
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Postby TinaMartin » January 18th, 2013, 4:32 pm

From what I understand it's also very hard to get through the adoption process. I know of 2 people who adopted out of country. They are great parents and both got turned down for adopting in the US.
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Postby mnp13 » January 18th, 2013, 4:52 pm

It costs many thousands of dollars to adopt from anywhere. And ironically, there is probably more paperwork to adopt through the government (ie foster care system) than to go overseas. Yes, there are literally millions of kids who need to be adopted in this country. However, it's a NIGHTMARE to adopt them.

Here is an overview of what my friend just went through:

Yearly adoption approval at the state and local level. Thousands of dollars.
Yearly foster home approval at the local level. Hundreds of dollars.

They took in the EIGHTH child to be taken by the state from the same woman. She repeatedly disappeared until the very last day that she would lose all parental rights. Then she would show up. They did a foster to adopt with the boy, it took two and a half years. They couldn't use any babysitters that were not approved by the state to watch him. They couldn't use any daycare not approved by the state to watch him, even if they use NO state funds to pay for the babysitter or daycare. If any approved relative had stepped up to take the boy, they would have lost him that minute.

They currently have her NINTH baby, a little girl, that they got just after she was born. Now all of the above is starting again. Dad, who is muslim, who refuses to take a paternity test, who doesn't want the little girl, told the social worker that the foster dad is not to be alone with the baby, can not change her diaper or even her clothes. According to New York, he has the right to make those demands and technically, she can be taken from them if the foster dad does not follow them. Right. You don't want the kid, you won't prove you're the kid's father, but you can dictate the terms of the family that DOES want her. Sorry, total BS in my mind.

The American foster to adopt system is a nightmare. At the end, it's cheaper to adopt overseas and you don't have the risk of the kids being yanked at any moment up until the papers are signed. And even after they are signed, sometimes things still happen.

Private adoption is easier in some ways, but far more expensive and you also risk losing the baby at a moment's notice.

Very close friends of my parents went through this: four children were found living in a storage unit. The oldest was nine, they hadn't seen their mom in approximately a month. My parent's friends were willing to take in all four kids to keep them together. After three years, after finally getting the oldest to understand that she didn't need to be a "mom" anymore (including her claiming that the husband beat her which ended up with her admitting to lying about it, she just didn't understand how to not be in charge) they had finally settled down and they were a family. Then grandma suddenly stepped up and took all four. Everyone was devastated, but nothing could be done. The kids were taken from the only stability they had ever known. They regressed horribly, after six months grandma couldn't handle them anymore (no big shock to anyone who knew the kids). They called the foster parents, but they had already taken in two other kids, and didn't have the living space for six kids. The kids were split up. Then foster care yanked the two kids and gave them back to their crack addict mom. Three months pass, and the kids are back in the system. My parent's friends gave up and no longer foster. They can't handle the emotional turmoil. I don't blame them.
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Postby pitbullmamaliz » January 18th, 2013, 7:12 pm

And see, I'm glad I started this discussion because I truly had no idea!
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Postby ArtGypsy » January 19th, 2013, 12:25 pm

:( :( :( Michelle :( :( :(

This happens too often. It's horrendous.

Even though I only worked in the system and did not suffer through the emotional turmoil these families did
(and do),
it all became too much for me.

Sure, I have experience, insight and compassion, but both Child Family Welfare and Domestic Violence work simply eroded layer after layer of my being.
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Postby TheRedQueen » January 19th, 2013, 3:06 pm

From what I heard the other day...other countries are cutting way back on their adoptions because they're trying to keep the kids at home also...China realized it was sending a LOT of baby girls to the US and elsewhere, and don't have many at home. Russia seems to be doing it as a political thing, but most countries have cut way back.
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Postby TheRedQueen » January 19th, 2013, 3:09 pm

Here's a transcript of what I read: http://www.npr.org/2012/12/28/168219991 ... ward-trend
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Postby mnp13 » January 23rd, 2013, 10:51 pm

Most of the cost of adopting in Russia and other similar-economy countries is bribes. I know someone who adopted all three of their children from Russia. The official fees were in the 5-8 thousand dollar range. The bribes were a little more. Still cheaper and easier than doing it here. (and this was 15 years ago.)
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